How to speak to someone about their gambling

Money can already make for an uncomfortable conversation, but approaching the topic of gambling, and when you’re worried it has become a problem – that’s something else entirely.

If you’re worried about a friend or loved ones’ gambling, the first thing to remember is to broach the subject carefully. If they know it has become a problem, they may have been hiding it from you – they may feel ashamed and scared, so may become defensive if pushed.

Be sure not to start the conversation in a public place, surrounded by friends, and choose your words carefully. Speak somewhere private but comfortable, without judgement or blame.

Problem gambling: The signs to look out for

Problem gambling isn’t easy to detect, but there are some signs that indicate a habit has become something more serious. Common signs include:

• More irritable or anxious than normal.
• Borrowing money or selling belongings to pay for gambling.
• Spending less time with friends and family.
• Lost interest in activities and hobbies they previously enjoyed.
• Lying about their gambling or how much they are spending.

Starting the conversation…

Not all people will know they have a problem, and it’s common for those close to them to recognise when something has gone too far. The gambler may be convincing themselves that everything is fine, that it’s just a hobby, when really it’s doing more harm than they realise.

It is important to let them know that it’s because you care about them, and that’s why you are worried. As mentioned above, positive communication is much more helpful than being confrontational or critical. You want to care and help them, not judge them and risk pushing them further away.

Try talking about how you are feeling, rather than directing it all at them. Speaking in this way helps to lessen defences and keep the lines of communication open, for example:

“You’re my friend and I’m upset seeing you like this.”

“I love you and I don’t want you to be on your own. Talk to me about what’s going on.”

“I feel like you’re not happy right now and I’m worried, how can I help?”

While the above examples are helpful, be sure to speak to them in a natural way, like you normally would. Acting out of character can put someone on edge, so be as normal as possible to keep them relaxed and open. If they get upset or aggressive, end the conversation for now and consider returning to the topic another time.

Once you’ve started the conversation…

If they open up, make sure you listen. Be patient and listen to what they have to say – it’s likely it took a lot for them to start talking, so don’t respond straight away or interrupt.

Be calm and caring, but don’t hide your concern. They may still not understand the extent of the problem, so may make excuses. Keep them busy and away from triggering places, and if possible, avoid helping them out with money. We know you care, but this may make the problem worse.

Be there for them and let them know they can talk to you. Research treatment options like hypnotherapy or counselling, and support groups if you would like to, to help them take the first steps to recovery.

And don’t forget to look after yourself – it’s easy to be consumed by the concern for your loved one, but at the end of the day, they are the only ones who can truly overcome the problem, you just need to be there to support and hold their hand along the way.

Sweet dreams are made of this!

Written by Nicola Griffiths I’m frequently being asked if it matters if “I drop off to sleep during hypnosis”, or “how the brain can change by listening to a download when I’m asleep”? So I was delighted to see a recent bit of research on sleep, by Researcher Sid Kouider, which proved that I had ... Read moreSweet dreams are made of this!

How can hypnotherapy support addiction recovery?

Any form of addiction, whether it’s to drugs, alcohol, gambling, or even shopping, has the power to take control of someone’s life. Priorities shift, behaviours change and the person battling addiction may find themselves stuck in the addiction-recovery-relapse cycle.

Often these addictions form as a way to cope with difficult emotions or stressful life events. Substances like drugs and alcohol may be used as a form of self-medication and over time, a reliance is formed.

While difficult, recovery is always possible. There are several approaches available to help tackle addiction, including talking therapies like counselling. Hypnotherapy is another powerful approach that many find helpful.

We speak to hypnotherapist Dean Learoyd to explain further.

Whatever the presenting issue is in therapy of any kind, it is best practice to follow certain guidelines in order to get the best possible results. This has never been more appropriate than when dealing with addiction or compulsion.

In 1990, an American Psychologist Egan introduced ‘six stage counselling’ as the most effective road to recovery. The six stages lend themselves perfectly to a hypnotherapy treatment plan. Here is how this model would work within hypnotherapy:

Stage 1 – Developing trust and rapport. In an assessment for hypnotherapy many practitioners engage NLP techniques to gain fairly rapid rapport. All therapists should have a genuine desire to help the client and that is the key, but the client needs to trust implicitly too. In any person dealing with addiction, there is inevitably hurt lying somewhere deep within.

Stage 2 – Getting to the root of the problem. Analytical hypnotherapy can elicit memories from deep within the subconscious mind that are indicators to guide the therapist towards the cause of the addiction. Also it is crucial to identify the secondary gain, i.e. what does the addiction give to the client in terms of benefit or gain? Once this has been established it will be easier for the therapist to replace that gain with something more positive and less harmful.

Stage 3 – Setting goals is much easier said than done, but with a powerful hypnotherapy session the client’s issues can be set out and ‘change’ goals very easily established by using deep suggestion therapy techniques. Metaphors are an effective way of getting the subconscious to buy into the task in hand and this can be easily delivered in a hypnosis session.

Stage 4 – Taking action and empowering change. Hypnotherapy is a powerful and effective way to introduce change directly into the subconscious mind. Hypnotherapy can successfully reframe the old addictive behaviour and introduce new positive, permanent habits to replace it.

Stage 5 – Maintaining and supporting the changes made. Hypnotherapy is a direct subconscious intervention and post hypnotic suggestion can be installed to make sure that the new behaviour remains effective and stays in place.

Stage 6 – Enabling the client to finish the course of therapy happy and confident that they will not relapse. Using hypnotherapy to install new positive behaviour and adding post hypnotic suggestion is a great way to prevent relapse. The new client behaviour will continue to reinforce long after the final session.

In all therapy there needs to be a genuine desire for change which, in addiction, often comes when the client has suffered a great deal and sometimes hits rock bottom. One of the most powerful benefits of using hypnotherapy with addiction is that often results can be quite rapid, and this tends to give the client more hope and encouragement.

If you’re interested in trying hypnotherapy for addiction, use our search tool to find a hypnotherapist in your area and start your journey to recovery.